The Umbrella Saga in 7 or 8 Parts

So, last year I got one present from my folks for Christmas aside from a check to spend on whatever I needed.  I was so excited to open it.  It was sewn up in a very pretty stocking.  What could it be?  Well, it was an umbrella.  Now, I hope I don't hurt any feelings when I say I was mighty disappointed.  An umbrella.  I don't use umbrellas.  They're more of a pain than they're worth. 

Except not this one.  This is the most coolest umbrella ever, I soon found out.  It's electric both ways which makes a big difference.  It's windproof.  And best of all it's dry before you even get out of the rain.  One of my least favorite things about them is how they have to dry out forever.  It's the coolest green Swiss Army umbrella you ever did see.

So, last week I take it with me to the post office.  I was in a hurry and when I got back to work it was nowhere to be found.  Crap!  That's my umbrella!  So I rush back to the post office, but it's pouring down rain.  Surely it's not still there.  Surely some lucky sap is using it right this second.  And I get there only to find no umbrella.  So I'm pissed at myself.  But I head back to work, literally choking back the tears. 

I bore coworker after coworker with tales of my beloved umbrella that's gone missing.  Then, at the end of the day one of them (the one who loves green almost as much as I do) says it's right over there.  Yea!  So it is!  Oh, joyous day!

So I take it with me when I'm leaving and go to get in the car and snap it closed and yank it in through the closing door and catch it and bust the damned thing.

No more pretty umbrella.

But now I have a new green umbrella *almost* as cool.